It’s funny
how sometimes life can just stop you in your tracks. I‘ve learned that rejection can definitely
creep into your head and—if you’re not extremely careful—begin defining your
days and commanding your nights. I began believing that not only was my book
lousy, but any new ideas I had for books were also lame and I would never get a
novel published.
I suspect my
experience has a lot to do with my, at times, debilitating perfectionism. I’ve
had problems with it in the past and overcame it quite nicely. I just need to
remember what worked then and then do that again. Right?
Years ago I
was working at a state institution in Texas and I had to collect various data
on a weekly basis and then present everything graphically and precisely. All of my work was then reviewed by the Data
Nazi and reported back to me by percent completed and percent correct. No
matter how hard I worked I could never get 100%. At some point I decided that I
was never going to get 100% and it was stupid to try. In fact, my new plan was
to deliberately not get 100%. Every
week I would “forget” at least one thing or miscalculate some data. I know this
sounds weird, but for me it was liberating. Not having to strive for perfection
made for a much happier me. I have to do my best and then just sort of let go
of it.
I’ve just
barely started querying my first book—I’ve sent out fewer than 30 queries—and after
18 rejections I just stopped. I felt like if I couldn’t even get one request
then I was just fooling myself. Everyone says just keep trying: tweak your query
letter and get back out there. About this time I had a death in my family. I
definitely needed some time off.
So now I’ve
recovered on some level. I’m reworking my query, contemplating changing my
title and getting ready to hold my breath and jump straight into the rabbit-hole
again.
Wish me luck.
